Written by Kim, Contributing Writer
Jenn’s recent post on balancing motherhood and other priorities confirmed my idea to share this allegorical story I wrote a year or so ago. Please read it through to learn “the moral of the story”, a poignant message for we modern wives and mothers.
Early in my life, I was introduced to an old family friend. In fact I can’t remember a time when Sophie wasn’t part of our family. She was quiet and patient, but always ready with the right word at the right time.
My folks sought to visit with Sophie in all kinds of circumstances, particularly when they needed direction or counsel. When discouraged about their financial situation, she had a word of encouragement. When unsure of how to parent us children, Sophie had just the right advice.
But she didn’t just offer guidance for older people; she had great stories for children too! And she seemed to have an endless supply of them, as most old people do. She told stories of romance, family squabbles, war, intrigue, murder and even supernatural happenings. We were captivated by her stories and asked to hear them over and over.
When I was young, Sophie’s stories stuck with me and helped me understand about life and the world around me. As I grew older I also began to seek out Sophie’s wisdom and advice on living. It seemed no matter what I came up against in life, she had a story or word of direction or encouragement that helped me on my way.
I particularly remember in college (when life can get a little more challenging) feeling a little self-conscious about being seen with her (I didn’t see classmates hanging out with their older friends- maybe they didn’t even have one- so I felt a little self-conscious when I spent time with her on campus). But as she had never failed me in the past, I still sought her out as needs arose.
Sadly, I didn’t spend as much time visiting with her on a regular basis (school was pretty consuming) and I didn’t request her stories as much (not that I was too old for them or suddenly found them uninteresting). I just didn’t have as much time for stories.
During those college years I made a new significant life-long friend who was quite different from Sophie. Linnea was up on all the current issues and trends and seemed to know the answer to just about any question. She was exceptionally popular. It seemed like everyone on campus was friends with her.
She was so easy to spend time with- the hours would pass by so quickly. Whatever I was in the mood for- studying, chatting, shopping, exploring, or just hanging out and watching a movie- she was always up for any option. A lot of people got together and played games with her. I never did that much, since I was so busy with my schoolwork, but I heard it was lots of fun.
As I moved on from college to career and then career to married life, these two friends persisted in my life. It seemed when things were going smoothly I’d spend more time with Linnea but when things proved more trying, I would call upon our old reliable family friend.
When I began having children I found I didn’t have enough free time (or energy!) for all the fun escapades I’d had Linnea, but the long extended times spent rocking, feeding and tending to the young children allowed me many long extended visits with Sophia. Each visit encouraged me in my role as a wife and mother and brightened my days. She always had a way of putting life into perspective and affirmed the investment I was making of my life into my family.
I wanted to spend more time with Linnea, yet there just weren’t the same time freedoms during this season of my life. But, as the kids got a little older, I found I had bit more time available for she and I to go on little shopping outings and catch up on what was going on in the broader world. Sometimes she’d want to share about stuff that I really didn’t care about (or didn’t even want to know about), but I’d just steer the interaction back to something I was more comfortable with. She was always very accommodating to my interests.
As the kids continued growing, Linnea introduced me to even more things that we could do together. We began exploring new areas of interest. We tried some crazy fad diet plans, started reconnecting with old friends and classmates and even started a business endeavor that seemed designed for stay-at-home moms.
At the same time that I found my young friend enriching and expanding my life, I found time with my old friend getting less frequent and even put-off. Sophie was still available but, sad to say, I was giving our relationship low priority. I knew she’d always be there and whatever Linnea and I had going on at the time just seem more immediate and pressing.
Of course, through the years, my children had gotten used to me spending time with Sophie and Linnea. They had always enjoyed hearing Sophie’s stories, but began to get bored and antsy when I spent time with Linnea.
Soon, though, she had offspring of her own that were more than ready and available to occupy my kids so we could spend more time together. This was really handy at the outset. It allowed many nice extended, uninterrupted times with Linnea. In time, however, my kids wanted to do nothing more than play with her kids. They also enjoyed going on adventures, shopping and catching up on modern life with these new friends. It was all pretty innocent at first, but when her kids started playing rough games with my kids I started getting concerned.
In time, I actually felt like I was in competition with Linnea’s kids. I started setting limits on how much time they could spend together. All the while I continued to spend as much time as I could with Linnea. She proved to be a treasure- an endless source of great travel ideas, super recipes, handy shopping tips and, of course, we had our business. I could always justify spending a little more time with her each day.
Sophie began leaving messages to get reconnected, and I really wanted to, but everything I was pursuing with Linnea seemed, at least temporarily, to take precedence. I trusted that Sophie would always be there for me, so I put her off to what I figured would be a less busy time in the future. But my kids also started to show signs of neglect and I knew for their best I needed to spend less time with Linnea.
Knowing it, however, didn’t translate to any change in my behavior. Even as my conscience nagged me, reminding me that the time I set aside to spend with her meant time apart from my family and other significant friends, I found the draw to her was too great. She was just so easy to get together with; she was always available and always accommodating to my needs and interests.
I could call her up at any time to get a quick answer to a question or check in on how things were going with some mutual friends. I found myself checking in with her anytime I passed by her place. I would stop by just to see if she had any new news. I’d fully intend to just spend 5-10 minutes with her but, before I knew it, we’d have spent an hour running off on endless bunny-trails.
There were evenings we stayed up way too late exploring a new area of interest. Sometimes I even cancelled a scheduled visit with Sophie the morning after I’d spent a late night with Linnea. Sadly, on too many occasions, my family reaped the consequences of poor mood and attitude when a late night with Linnea meant a missed visit with Sophie.
I knew things couldn’t continue with Linnea as they had, but I had no desire to break things off with her entirely. There wasn’t anything unwholesome about our relationship, it had just become out of balance. But I felt lost to consider how to bring it into balance and felt I was struggling with having right priorities on a daily basis.
My nagging conscience and lack of insight finally spurred me to consider the obvious- seek out the friend who had always helped me through tough decisions and hard times. Maybe it should have seemed obvious to consult with Sophie about this situation, but I had kept these two worlds pretty separate.
Sophie of course, was ready, willing and more than able to give me the direction and insight I needed to keep this relationship more in balance. She had just the words of encouragement to spur me on in a more wholesome, balanced relationship with Linnea.
Sophie/Sophia (Greek for wisdom), of course, is the source of all wisdom (God’s own word) and by seeking God’s direction in any problem in our lives, including possibly spending too much time with our electronic friends and gadgets online (Linnea), we can learn His best wisdom for our lives. We live in a day and time where it is all too natural to be a “Martha” (homeschooling, maintaining a blog and perhaps a home business), yet we all know that “only one thing is needed.” Let’s seek the Lord in how to live in a way that is fully pleasing to Him.
“A discerning man keeps wisdom in view, but a fool’s eyes wander to the ends of the earth.” Proverbs 17:24
How have you worked out a balance of home/family life with the use of tools like the computer, internet, email, blogging, etc. in a way that is glorifying to God and honoring to your family?
About Kim
I’m now keeping “office hours” and do not even turn on my computer until 3:30 each day. This keeps things in check and puts the majority (and priority) of the day on homeschooling and family things.