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The same thing happens every year. The temperature start to dip. The wind changes from a refreshing breeze to a biting chill. Enter more gray skies. Less color. Less sunshine. More grump.
At first, it’s fun to break out the sweaters, the scarves, and the boots. We are ready for a change and welcome the seasonal shift without much complaining. But after the holidays, when January and February come, you are likely dealing with fatigue and stir-crazy kids in addition to cold weather.
I don’t know about you, but it has always been a struggle for me to embrace winter with a cheerful attitude. Or even an ungrudging attitude, with minimal complaints. It’s not my favorite season, and it shows in the things I say and in my Instagram captions.
Living with a complaining heart isn’t pleasant, though. So in the past few years I have tried to be much more intentional about changing not only the way I talk about this season, but also the way that I think about it. Because, as you know, lasting change starts on the inside.
While it’s true that warmer clothing, fires in the fireplace, and more comfort foods all help to make the season more enjoyable/endurable. This year, I’ve added another strategy to changing the way I approach winter. And even better, it’s one we can do together as a family, so we can all be on board.
Need A Better Attitude This Winter? Try This!
In our last trip to the library, we checked out Laura Ingalls Wilder’s book, The Long Winter. Most nights since then, we gather together near the fireplace while mama reads a chapter about the Ingall family.
I knew it would be good for me to read during this season, but I did not realize how helpful it would be to gain a little perspective on how good we have it in our home (and likely in yours too).
The cheerful Ingalls family lives in a claim shanty with thin walls, no heat besides their fire, and a cold walk to get necessary water. Just tonight, we read about how after a three-day blizzard, the cattle outside actually had their heads frozen to the ground because the conditions were so bad.
Now, I’ve written about how comparison can be the thief of joy and a major roadblock in relationships, but maybe comparison every once in a while isn’t such a bad thing. This winter try a little comparison to help you check your attitude and gain perspective.
We did just that after reading one night this week. Together we spent a few minutes comparing what our winter looks like with what winter looked like for Laura and her sisters. And it really opened up my eyes.
- We have warm clothes. And I don’t have to wear drafty dresses in below freezing temperatures.
- Our plumbing is inside. Many, many thanks for this one.
- We have refrigerators and freezers and stores full of food. We don’t HAVE TO hunt and forage for food just to survive.
Of course, the comparisons could go on, but at this point I was thinking of other perks of winter. Like reading together by the fire. More family time as we stay home more often. And simply more occasions to point our children to the Creator and controller of the seasons.
So here’s my encouragement to everyone who, like me, has a history of needing an attitude check during the winter. Either together as a family, or by yourself while you’re enjoying your favorite hot beverage, make a list of what you can be thankful for this season. Write it down and remind each other. Then find a good book (maybe one about winters worse than yours!) and make time to enjoy it together.
Maybe you’ll find that the cold isn’t so bad after all…
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Happiness seems such a difficult thing sometimes. I have a devoted husband, loving and successful children, a beautiful home and the kind of life I always thought would be out of my grasp. Yet some days, the failures of my life play over and over like a movie reel, reminding me of unforgivable shortcomings and casting a shadow of fear across my future.
The thing is, I’m human: a flawed, imperfect human who’s in a constant mode of figuring things out. We all are. As much as we believe we’re supposed to understand everything by now, the truth is we don’t and we can’t and we never fully will. The best we can do is accept ourselves and our lives for the amazing miracles that they are and learn to be happy, because we only have this one life.
Here are 5 realistic, tried and true ways to improve happiness.
Declutter
It seems counter-intuitive: decluttering is such a stressful activity, but the results are life-changing. Studies have shown that a cluttered area makes your brain feel like there’s chaos around. You automatically get a heightened sense of stress. This becomes your baseline and everything else piles on.
Start out small and set easily attainable goals like “By the end of January, I’m going to have my bedroom sorted”. This doesn’t mean it has to look like something off Pinterest. It simply means that clothes are neatly put away in drawers, surfaces are clear of all but a few possessions, floors are clear and cleaned. Waking up in a space where you aren’t reminded of things you have to catch up on will improve your mood from the get go.
Live Like Martha
I don’t mean have the perfect home and craft everything yourself and cook like a pro. Nope. What I always find soothing on Martha’s shows is that she frequently plays soothing music in the background. It’s the kind of music on the kiosk by the greeting cards in Target: a kind of classical with acoustic guitars and whatnot.
For the month of December, I played the “Classical Christmas” station on Pandora at a soft volume at home. It changed the entire vibe of the house. Not only was it calming, but I noticed that I became more productive. It worked so well, in fact, that I started using it during my Girl Scout meetings and it really seemed to help move things along.
Find a Problem, Fix a Problem
“My face looks old and I hate it”. “I’ve gained so much weight, I’ve let myself go”. This kind of negative self-talk will ruin you. Not can, WILL. It’s tough to fight those demons, so take a logical approach and think of yourself as a trusted friend you can give advice to.
If my friend said she hated the way she looked, I would a) tell her she’s beautiful and perfect just the way she is; and b) suggest that maybe she can make a small change with big impact: a new hairstyle or color. Maybe new makeup. For me, I find just spritzing a little MAC Fix+ on my face makes me instantly look more alert, which is transformative. When I feel fat, I go out shopping for a new shirt or two that are not oversized and hiding myself, but flattering to my figure, no matter what shape that may be at the moment. Having at least one outfit that makes you look good will do so much more for your self-esteem than thinking you look like a blob in everything.
Put Things in Perspective
A few years ago, my husband and I had a huge argument. I can’t even remember now what it was about. It wasn’t anything life-changing, but I was beyond angry. Beyond. I wondered to myself, “what comes next?”. I imagined a high-drama movie where a divorcing couple has to stand in front of a judge and state the reason their marriage is irreparable. I imagined the judges annoyed reaction when I told him that this fight was the reason for our split. I realized that in the big picture, this argument was nothing. I couldn’t hold this grudge forever, and really, I’d be terribly flawed if I did.
The point is to try to see situations in perspective. Are you being fair in the discipline of your children? Are you responding appropriately to people who are less than courteous? Is that conflict with a teacher/administrator/parent going to matter in a year? How about a month? How about a week? Are you even going to remember this happening? Probably not. Put it into perspective and respond appropriately.
Find Joy in Every Day
Whether you’re jotting it down in one of those handy line-a-day journals or just taking a quiet moment to reflect, make sure you take the time to find something positive in each day. In our family, we have a tradition: every night at dinner, we go around the table and everybody states how their day was (for better or for worse) and then they tell the best part of the day. For the kids, they also have to state what the best part of school was. This helps us to ensure that each day, no matter how tough, we all find something that brought us joy. As an added bonus: it keeps our family close and gets a lot more info out of the kids than simply asking “what did you do at school today?” which always produced a non-answer.
I hope these tips help you keep happiness close. If you feel though that nothing can make you happy anymore, please see a professional. Sometimes we need personal coaching to be reminded of how incredibly precious our lives are.
What do you do to keep happiness close?
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Written by Kari @ Kari Newsom Contributing Writer
It’s that time of year again.
As a Health and Nutrition Coach, I always have people ask me for some tips on how to successfully celebrate special occasions without completely going off the deep end when it comes time to eat.
The first and most important thing I always tell people is this:
ENJOY THE CELEBRATION!!!
All to often we try so hard to do ‘the right thing’ about the whole ‘eating during the holiday’ issue, that we actually end up NOT enjoying this time of year.
Don’t do that anymore. Eating healthy and making healthier choices isn’t about being miserable. I promise.
There are a couple pointers I like to give people who don’t want to go crazy, over indulge and completely get off track with their healthy lifestyle.
If you are like the average person, this time of year {or any celebration for that matter} can be a challenging time.
My family typically eats extremely healthy, BUT I don’t freak out and go crazy that I’m not getting my organic and fresh foods. I am always thankful that someone would take the time to prepare a meal for us to enjoy – whether it’s considered ‘healthy’ in my book or not. Since 98% of the time we eat extremely healthy and disciplined at home, I never feel guilty when those occasions arise where we aren’t able to eat that way.
If there are certain foods that you absolutely cannot eat (if you have allergies or have celiac, etc.) then speak with the host for that day and explain your situation and ask if it would be okay if you brought some of your own items so you can still sit down and enjoy the meal with everyone else. Many times you will find that the host may offer to make some dishes according to your needs. If your eating preferences are just that, preferences, then it’s up to you to make smart choices while you are filling your plate.
Here are a few tips that might help you out this Thanksgiving holiday:
1. Eat a Smaller Meal Beforehand
If you are prone to eating TONS of food and filling your plate to overflowing, then going back for seconds and thirds – try eating a small meal before you go to your Thanksgiving celebration. It doesn’t have to be a rich meal, just a small meal that will help fill you up enough where gorging out on food doesn’t look so appealing to you! You’ll still get to enjoy the food on the table, you just won’t be shoveling it all in your mouth like there’s no tomorrow.
2. Water
Drinking a glass of water about 30 minutes before sitting down to eat can make a person feel full, so you won’t end up eating as much.
3. Self-Control
Make a decision to only have one plate of food, which means smaller portions of each item. Not always easy, but your stomach will thank you for it once dessert time rolls around.
4. Mini Size It
If you are a dessert sampler like some {GUILTY], then don’t take full size servings of each dessert. Cut in half, thirds or quarters so you can sample all the wonderful goodies, without consuming the amount of an entire pie or cake by the time you’re done.
5. Control Your Eyes
If your eyes are always bigger than your stomach, then it’s about discipline, discipline, discipline! Just CONTROL yourself when filling your plate!!! Yes, it smells so good and looks amazing and Aunt Susie’s mashed potatoes are the bomb, but you don’t need a mountain of food to enjoy all that goodness.
Studies show that the first couple bites of food are the most intense and satisfying – taste wise. Even with amazing desserts, the more bites you take, the magnitude of it’s greatness starts to taper down a bit after the first few bites.
6. Going Back
Are seconds bad? I don’t think so, as long as your first servings weren’t gi-normous to begin with. Just remember that you don’t need to over do it! When your body tells you to stop eating – then STOP EATING!
7. Enjoy The Company
Make a conscious effort to enjoy the people around you. Aren’t we all gathering on Thanksgiving (or whatever celebration) to spend time with each other? Yes, so enjoy your company, engage in conversation, laugh and CHEW SLOWLY. This is a guarantee that you won’t eat as much when you talk with people and give your food a chance to settle and your brain is told that you’re full (this usually takes about 15-20 minutes to occur.)
8. Chew Chew Chew
Along with chewing slowly, we should all chew each bite 20-30 times before swallowing completely! I know you think I sound crazy, but you will reduce the amount of food you eat by quite a bit. Why? Since you’re taking the time to chew your food purposely, you won’t be gulping down large portions every 5 seconds and by the time you’ve been eating for 15-20 minutes and your body is saying ‘STOP, I’M FULL’ – you won’t have consumed nearly as much food. Also, chewing this many times is the most important part of digestions since it breaks down your food to a point that once it hits your stomach, your stomach won’t need to work so hard to continue the digestion process.
9. Nix Tons of Liquids While Eating
Try not to drink a ton of liquid while you are eating. The reason is because it dilutes your digestive juices in your stomach and then it takes so much longer for your body to digest your food. This can lead to you feeling so full that you feel sick to your stomach. Give your food a chance to do its job once its in your body!
All in all, we need to demonstrate self control and we are more than capable of doing that! Take time to enjoy the food that has been prepared for you and enjoy the people surrounding you. These holidays have a purpose behind them, so focus on those purposes instead of making the food the center and most important aspect of the day.
Most importantly, when it comes to the food you eat, pray over your food and thank God for the nourishment to your bodies and protecting you from any harm. Thank Him for the family and friends that are surrounding you and the many blessings you have in your life. Thank Him for the life you have. If you are reading this, then you are alive! What a wonderful thing. On top of that, you can’t be reading this post without a computer, ipad or smart phone! Be thankful! You are blessed! Now, be a blessing to others!
What simple things do you do during holiday celebrations to avoid over-indulging?
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Written by Christine @ So Domestically Challenged, contributing writer
A few weeks ago, I was invited by Rachel to be a contributor here on Day2DayJoys. I read her invitation. I got excited. I closed my email and made a mental note to get back to her…and I did get back to her a few days later.
She invited me to do a post. Immediately, at least 6 great ideas popped into my head. I was thrilled. I was energized. I was ready to go. But here I sit, in the last few hours before my first post is set to go live, and I have nothing. Those half-dozen great ideas have betrayed me: each one seemingly fantastic until I realized that I couldn’t find the words or it just wasn’t so interesting after all.
Here I am, a blank. I’ve spent days analyzing my life and motivations, reading notes I’ve written, mind-mapping, reviewing books, magazines, Pinterest…and nothing. Have I truly lost my mojo?
The truth. I turn my focus inward to look for reasoning. The truth, though I hate to admit it, is fear. I have procrastinated since day one because of fear. Not that I have any kind of real fear for my own well-being. No, my fear is distinctly first-world. My fear is of disappointing, failing, not being good enough. My fear makes me feel like a child, but is a fear I always tell my own children they have to push through.
The reality is that I procrastinate because I’m scared of failing and scared of the unknown. I figure this is an issue that probably faces a lot of us, so for my first post, my introduction to you, I’m going to share 5 ways to stop procrastinating and get things done (in the future).
5 Ways to Stop Procrastinating:
Commit
Saying “I’m going to do this later” or “I’ll have time after work on Thursday” are open-ended and set yourself up to keep moving the day or time you’re going to do something. Instead, make a “To Do List” every day, and write in how much time you’re committing to the task and when, just like an appointment: “I’m going to write my post from 5:45pm-6:30pm on Tuesday night”. Writing it down has the added bonus of somewhat tricking your brain into believing that the task absolutely has to be done at that time.
Reward Yourself
As I write this, I’m craving my three biggest vices: a cup of coffee, a coconut Outshine bar, and a book….okay, not a book. I want to play spider solitaire online. Guilty. I know that I’m going to enjoy doing those things a lot more when I don’t have anything else hanging over my head, stressing me out. I’m not going to allow myself any of those things until this post is complete! Not only does the reward give me something to look forward to, but it also takes away my ability to use any of those things to procrastinate: “I’m going to get back to working after this ice cream”. Bam! A two-fer.
Visualize the Future
This is actually something I do with my family and my Girl Scouts when they’re stressed and it works great for both long-term and short-term issues. Take a minute, relax, breathe and go through the steps of what is going to happen next. Work it out.
I’m going to keep typing.
I will get to the end of what I want to say.
I will read it back to myself.
I might hate it.
I will make sure it’s correct and of good quality.
I will submit it.
Some people might not like it.
I might be asked never to write again.
I will keep breathing. I will keep living.
Tomorrow, I will write about something else.
In a week, I won’t even think about it anymore.
Break a Job Into Tasks
Sometimes a job can seem stressful and overwhelming because it’s got several steps to it that don’t immediately sort themselves out in our minds. Try breaking a job down into various smaller tasks and write out a checklist. Even if you don’t have time to do an entire task, you can look at your list and get a few parts done.
For example:
Brainstorm talking points
Type up post
Review & edit
Format post
Add links
Take photos
Edit photos
Add photos to post
Submit post
Stop Being Your Worst Critic
Where did we all learn this? Every day is like one long Dove commercial, but instead of just criticizing the bags under my eyes or my flabby middle, I criticize my entire being: “I just did that because I’m an idiot” or “I could never understand that” or “I’m a terrible housekeeper” or “I wish I was better/smarter/more comfortable with myself”. Sometimes even confident-sounding statements to yourself can be undermining you: “I’m just going to fake it until I make it” or “I’ve still got it” or “I was great at that when I was younger”. All of these statements have an implied “there’s something wrong with me”. We send ourselves these constant messages that we are somehow less than our full potential, and worse than that, we quietly start believing it. Instead, make statements that are inherently true and non-objective.
I am a mother.
I am a wife.
I am a mentor.
I am a writer.
I am enough.
My words/actions/abilities are enough.
And they are all perfectly me.
Do you procrastinate? Why do you think you do it and what do you do to fight it?
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Tomorrow is one month since I gave birth to my son.
Except it was not the joy-through-pain experience that I have had three times before. This time my baby was born stillborn at twenty-two weeks. Wholly unexpected and wholly devastating.
We have experienced a lot of emotions over the past month, of course. Our children are young, so they can switch from being sad their brother is gone to waging transformer battles in the living room rather easily. But the grief is still fresh for my husband and me.
Last week, our family was blessed to have the opportunity to spend a week in a cabin in the mountains.
There was no connecting with the outside world in the cabin, there was minimal housework to be done, and two days before our trip I had cooked or prepped all of our food for the entire week. Furthermore, our cabin was atop the steepest driveway I’ve had the pleasure struggle to walk up, so leaving the cabin by foot wasn’t something I wanted to do more than once a day.
All this time without responsibilities and distractions left us with a lot of time to read. My husband and I read MANY books out loud to our kids. We also read many books early in the morning before our kids woke, during the day while they played, and in the evening after bedtime routines and chatting with each other. (No television, no cell service, no wi-fi, remember?).
The week turned out to be as restorative as we had hoped it would be. So much quiet and so many good books were balm to our grieving hearts and minds.
Reading While You Grieve
These are the books and words in which I have personally found comfort, rest, and help. This list is no where near exhaustive, but hopefully it will give you an idea of what to turn to during hard days of grief. I would also recommend each of these as a thoughtful gift idea for a friend or family member you know is going through a difficult time. Please just remember to tell the recipient that there is no expectation for what she does with the book. Each person grieves according to her own timetable and some of these books are better at different times.
1. Hymns
During the early days, the first couple of weeks, after my son passed away I did not do much reading. The pain was too fresh and I was too weary from the shock and the tears. I honestly did not even feel like reading my Bible much. Truly, I didn’t touch many books, if any.
What was helpful, though, were hymns. Listening to music rich with truth and sweet comfort was a gift. I could easily turn on an album of hymns and feel like I was being pointed to God and washed over with His grace and mercy.
I have been known to just sit down with my mom’s old hymnal and just read hymns. You should try it.
If you don’t have a hymnal at home (or for the times I just don’t want to get it out), I use this online hymnal. It’s also a part of my favorite band‘s website, so you can listen to most of the hymns there too.
2. The Bible
Eventually, I did begin to open the Bible again early in the morning with a cup of strong black coffee and my journal and pen. While reading was hard initially, turning to God’s word is essential to finding true and lasting hope, comfort, and perspective.
The Psalms, of course, are a great place to start. I am also reading through the book of Job and planning to use commentary on Job
3. Streams in the Desert
A dear friend of mine who also lost her baby too early gifted me with this book. Before she gave me the book, though, she sat with me for hours and sipped coffee while we shared tears, stories, and laughter. Both the time and the book were priceless gifts.
Streams in the Desert was written by a lady who cared for her dying husband for years. She knows grief. The devotional is full of daily passages, each offering a five minute reading of Biblical comfort.
4. The Hardest Peace
I would recommend this book to EVERYONE, whether you are currently grieving or not.
Kara Tippetts was a mother of four who battled cancer in many forms over and over and over again. She graciously shared her story on her blog and then in this book. It is a story of struggle, of hard things, and of MUCH GRACE. Her words drip with kindness and wisdom and there is so much that we can all glean.
It is a life-changing book. It was also one of the most helpful books I have read in my grief. A harmony of beauty and pain.
5. Anchored: Finding Hope in the Unexpected
I purchased this book just hours after we saw the heartbreaking ultrasound’s stillness. I had heard of the book and listened to the author (Kayla Aimee) share her story of how her daughter was born unexpectedly at twenty-five weeks on several podcasts.
I knew it was one I wanted to read and thought that her story would be helpful in the midst of mine. But Kayla’s story is one that ended in life, and at first this was too hard for me to read.
Last week in the mountains, though, I did read her story. And I’m so glad I did.
Kayla went through months of grief and despair as she watched her tiny daughter suffer and fight for life. All the while Kayla was suffering and fighting for faith. Her battle to trust God in the hardest time of her life and her discovery that no matter what, God would remain faithful, was exactly what I needed to read.
I truly hope that one or more of these books is helpful to you. If you are in a season of grief, I wish I could cry together with you and listen to your story or simply to the quiet if words are hard to come by. Most of all, I hope that you are able to find true comfort and rest in the Father of all comfort and in Jesus, the One who knows the deepest grief and pain and who can walk alongside us in ours.
Is there a book that you would recommend that has been helpful during a difficult time in your life?
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Written by Karen @ To Work With My Hands, Contributing Writer
“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ‘The LORD is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in him.’ ” (Lamentations 3:21-24, ESV)
The familiar pink line confirmed what I had already suspected: we were expecting our tenth baby.
I was excited to see it again because I knew that it could possibly be the last time I would. At 41, the season of new babies couldn’t last much longer.
We shared the news with our children, braced for the reaction we would get from friends and family, and began preparing for another 8 months of waiting.
As the sixth week approached, I honestly dreaded what was coming – the sudden and dramatic fatigue, loss of appetite, endless sleepiness…all the while continuing to homeschool, keep a home, and navigate the next two months of holiday celebrations and travel, and the birthdays of 5 of our children.
The sixth week came, and passed, but nothing changed. I decided to be grateful for strength to persevere through our busiest time of year, but the nagging worries began to mount.
Frequent checkups with my doctor showed that everything was progressing well, but that I had placenta previa – again. My doctor had told me with the previous pregnancy that it would likely be the case for any future ones as well since I had had so many.
By God’s grace it had resolved during the 20th week, and I had been able to deliver our daughter without a caesarean. I decided that it was nothing to lose sleep over this early in the pregnancy.
It wasn’t the previa that worried my doctor either, but the blood clot that was discovered during the latest ultrasound. Since I was still early in the pregnancy, there would be nothing he could do if I began to bleed. I would certainly miscarry. I took that worry home on a Friday morning, and waited, adding to the uneasy feeling over why I didn’t “feel” pregnant.
Several weeks passed, the blood clot dissolved, and it seemed like things were going to be just fine. We looked forward with excitement to the day of the revealing ultrasound.
It was a choice we had not made with most of our children, but with the last two we had decided to learn the gender of our new baby before birth. We would do it again this time.
My husband held our youngest – our only daughter – in his arms as the technician rolled the wand over my growing belly. And then we saw – our new baby was another boy. Beautiful, complete, heart pumping – there he was for our eyes to see!
We had hoped that perhaps we could have one more little girl – a sweet companion for our daughter – but God had other plans. Within hours we had adjusted and began to imagine our new little boy in our family, being “mothered” twice, and having so many big brothers to learn from. Our youngest son was especially excited that he would get to have a baby brother.
More time passed, and I still felt fine. My husband continued to encourage me not to worry, and to be grateful for the grace. We had seen him, he was growing, the scare of the blood clot was gone, and I had passed mid-term.
It was time to get ready for the most challenging part of the pregnancy – the growing bulk and dealing with the increasingly painful varicose veins that had continued to get more severe with each pregnancy.
It was springtime and our attention was more and more pulled outdoors. One particularly nice day, I decided to build a new flowerbed around a tree that was right outside the kitchen window. The younger boys were riding their bikes and playing, and one of them stopped by to visit with me.
He told me that he was excited that the new baby was a boy and was looking forward to teaching “Gabriel” all of his favorite boy things. We had not officially chosen a name yet, but Gabriel was one we had considered.
I smiled, and getting lost in thought as I took in the beauty of the flowers and the crisp, fresh air, I imagined along with him what it would be like while tumbling the name around in my head.
I posed with our daughter for a picture together in front of the white-adorned bridal wreath bushes – a tradition we had begun two years earlier just after her birth. This year, I sported a swollen belly with her baby brother tucked inside. The spring season was beautiful.
On a bright and warm Sunday afternoon, Tony and the boys decided to take the boat to the river for a ride. Hannah was napping, so I decided to pull out my card-making supplies and work on some new cards. It was perfect. The guys could enjoy the gorgeous afternoon, and I could do something that I enjoyed for a while in the quiet house.
It was very quiet. As I sat at the table with the papers and supplies scattered all around, I had a sudden and startling thought: When did I last feel the baby move? I couldn’t honestly remember. I was annoyed with myself for not being more aware, and purposed to pay closer attention.
An hour passed – nothing. Two – nothing.
By the time everyone returned home, I was getting edgy. Tony encouraged me to relax and just wait – Sundays were busy with all the preparations of getting to church, the activity of worship, lunch and fellowship, getting home, settling Hannah in for a nap – I probably just didn’t notice.
We went to bed and still – nothing. I lay awake in the dark nudging my belly from every side, moving, getting up and eating yogurt, walking – nothing. It was dark and quiet, everyone was asleep, and I began to feel a surge of panic.
It was then that I remembered. I remembered something that had recently happened to me. For the previous week or so I had woke each and every day with one particular hymn running through my mind. It may have been a while since I had heard it, but it was one I had been familiar with since childhood: “He Leadeth Me”.
Why was this on my mind every single morning as I woke?
I mentally went through the verses, focusing on the words and wondering. It was a long and restless night.
The next morning I called my doctor with concerns and made an appointment for yet another ultrasound. I still had not felt the baby move, and my mind was drawing frightening conclusions.
We walked into the dim room again and I made my way to that familiar table. She was kind and friendly, and I wondered if she knew. Did she know why I was having this particular ultrasound? Did she know what she might have to say to us? I began to feel uncomfortable for her.
Her eyes scanned the screen that we could not yet see and I watched them with piercing focus. I saw it in her eyes before she said a word. The hot tears began to spill and wet the crisp white paper underneath me.
She looked at me with the most sincere compassion and uttered the words, “I’m sorry.”
“Sometimes mid scenes of deepest gloom”
I was numb. The disbelief mingled with pain and an unbelievable sadness. Why? What had happened? Why had we ridden this roller coaster of worry and peace only to finally end up here?
“Do you want to see him?”
“Yes.”
We gazed at his still form – perfect, complete, right there inside of me – he was gone, but still there. My mind was struggling to make sense of it all.
My doctor was gentle, kind – our friend who had delivered our last two babies and prayed with us before the deliveries, chatted over Scripture during visits and genuinely loved The Lord. It was a comfort.
He explained that according to state law – because I was beyond 20 weeks pregnant – I would have to deliver the baby in the hospital. Official records. Mortuary. How did we want to handle the body?…The words all felt surreal. I wasn’t processing it all. State Law? Official Records? This was our baby! How did the state belong here???
Tears. Hot, bitter tears. “Oh God, Help us!”
We walked into the hospital on Friday afternoon. My bag was light. My heart was heavy. My strength was gone. My God was there!
“Sometimes where Eden’s bower’s bloom,”
It was a delivery like none I had known before. No rush of activity in the room. No bright lights and happy chatter from nurses. It was a quiet, still night as the drug slowly dripped into my vein and the contractions began.
The doctor was finally called just before daybreak. He sat gingerly on the edge of my bed and waited. This was so different. My gaze fell upon the bassinet sitting cold in the dark corner. It wasn’t wheeled under heat lamps this time. It wouldn’t be filled.
I delivered his tiny, still body. All was calm and quiet. No bright lights. No flutter of activity, no music of happy chatter. It was done.
“Do you want to see him? Do you want to hold him?”
“Yes”
For one gentle hour I held him as my grieving husband watched beside me with a helplessness he had never known before. There was nothing he could do to fix this. Gabriel’s tender body fit in my hands and I gazed at his beautiful form. Our son.
“By waters still, o’er troubled sea”
On Sunday morning we left the hospital, picked up our children from a friend’s house, and drove the hour home. What now? How would I know how to take the next step? How would I find joy again when the pain was so searing?
Days upon days I cried. But, an amazing things was happening. I was not alone. I was tenderly shown the way to take another step, to swallow a bite of food, to turn a gentle smile toward one of the children without feeling the choke of crazed insensitivity. God was carrying me, carrying us through the pain.
It’s difficult to explain just how it worked. But, it did. I knew it. I felt it. He kept the blood coursing through my veins and the legs moving under me. He ministered to my heart with tender mercies that I had never known before. I was a helpless infant in the arms of my loving Father.
“Still ’tis His hand that leadeth me”
We held a memorial service for our son, Gabriel Enoch, a couple of weeks later. It was a small affair, attended by our family and closest friends. Beautiful words of grace were spoken, tender expressions of love were wrapped in gentle and meaningful hugs, and we remembered the short, yet powerful life of our tiny son.
And one of the hymns we sang that day rang strong and deep in my soul, “He Leadeth Me”. Yes, He had.
Did I understand? No. Did I ever ask for such pain? No. Did I believe that My God had a purpose beyond my understanding and that He loves me beyond my comprehension? Yes.
A beautiful red rosebush grows and blooms each spring in our garden – a gift from my husband’s parents after the memorial service. And with it, a small plaque with these simple words: Gabriel Enoch King, April 24, 2010. The words have slowly faded, but his memory remains strong and alive, and the tender mercies of my Father impress upon my heart just how good He is.
I can truly say I am grateful. I am grateful for the experience of walking the deepest, darkest path I have ever known. I am grateful for His mercy, His love, His compassion. I am grateful that He knew the purpose, even though I didn’t understand. Yes, He leads me – still.
He leadeth me, O blessed thought!
O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
Whate’er I do, where’er I be
Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.
Sometimes ‘mid scenes of deepest gloom,
Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom,
By waters still, o’er troubled sea,
Still ’tis His hand that leadeth me.
Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
Nor ever murmur nor repine;
Content, whatever lot I see,
Since ’tis my God that leadeth me.
And when my task on earth is done,
When by Thy grace the vict’ry’s won,
E’en death’s cold wave I will not flee,
Since God through Jordan leadeth me.
Refrain: He leadeth me, He leadeth me,
By His own hand He leadeth me;
His faithful foll’wer I would be,
For by His hand He leadeth me.
Three more precious children were added to our family after Gabriel – and lost to early miscarriages. Along with a first miscarriage in 1997, we have 5 precious children with The Lord. We look forward to the day we will meet them.
If you are going through a time of deepest gloom, let Him Leadeth you, he is the Comforter.
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Written by Kari @ Living Strong, Health & Wellness , Contributing Writer
We’re in a battle right now. Many of you might not understand what I mean, but each day we wake up, we are faced with decisions that will ultimately affect our health – now and for years to come. A battle we face everyday is our food and nutrition.
Eating healthy isn’t as simple as it used to be; going to our garden, picking apples off a tree or collecting eggs from our backyard chickens. With all the changes that have taken place in just the last 100 years, how can we be sure that what we are feeding our family is safe, truly healthy and real?
What can we do to ensure we are providing our family nutrition that is going to benefit them and not harm them? How can we avoid falling prey to the habit of convenience and poor food choices? We need to rise up as health warriors and fight for our health. There is an onslaught of information regarding health and nutrition right now and honestly, it’s overwhelming and confusing.
Here are some easy tips for winning this battle:
- if your food has a label, read it closely
- eat living foods; avoid dead and fake food products
- drink clean water; filtered water, reverse osmosis
- prepare meals at home more often
- eat organic produce to lessen toxic chemical exposure
- choose organic, grass-fed and pasture-raised meats and dairy products
- choose natural sweeteners in lieu of artificial ones
- if it came from the ground, grew on a bush or tree or has a mom, it’s typically safe to eat
- if it was made in a plant, don’t eat it or at least eat much less of these
- stay away from GMO foods (genetically modified organisms)
- don’t eat conventional meats (beef, chicken, pork) from CAFO’s (concentrated animal feeding operations)
- cut out/eliminate prepackaged and processed foods
- cut out ‘white’ foods that have been refined and overly processed such as white sugar, white flour, white rice
- stay away from foods containing MSG
- eliminate soda, energy drinks, pasteurized fruit juice
- eliminate soy from your diet, soy and soy byproducts are in everything
- don’t participate in diet trends; they are never long lasting and usually cause internal damage and leave you unhealthy
- plan your meals in advance and keep a shopping list on hand
- do grocery shopping each week to avoid buying bulk and unnecessary items
- plan meals so they work with your daily schedule and make enough for leftovers
- make your child’s lunch for school
These are small yet powerful and beneficial steps for us to be proactive in our physical health. Yes, there may be a war going on, but we can stand up strong and be on the offensive when it comes to the choices we make.
Our lives literally depend on how we fight this battle and I choose to be victorious!
What can you do to be a health warrior in your home and to inspire those you have influence over?
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In parenting three small children, keeping my home, and attempting the occasional personal pursuit, I often find myself vacillating between loving my life and being overcome by the blessing of it all, and loving my life but just being plain overcome.
The days are full and busy and beautiful and FULL. And these are just the normal days.
One such normal day recently went like this: I set my alarm the night before. Actually, I set six alarms in hope that one would take. The next morning, I ignored the first five alarms but manage to roll out of bed thirty minutes before the kids woke up. This gave me the perfect amount of time to locate my pajama pants and my robe, brush my teeth, and then quietly sneak down the hall to the living room. At which point I grabbed a pre-breakfast snack and sat down to prepare for the day. Just when my mind regained the ability to maintain a coherent thought, the inevitable happened. A child wakes up.
The rest of the day is dedicated to any or all of the above: Cooking. Cleaning. Asking my children to clean. Teaching. Correcting/instructing/disciplining. Crafting. Cuddling up with my kids and a few favorite books. Child-inspired chaos. Napping. Fighting naps. Insisting on naps. Giving up on naps. Praying for a heart that more readily accepts nap time providence. Laundry. Walks in the woods. Neglecting to mop/dust/wipe off kitchen table. Sharing meal and giggles together. Bedtime bliss.
If the normal days are sometimes enough to overwhelm me recently, then the days that are swiftly coming are sure to push me over the proverbial edge if I don’t have a plan.
The biggest holidays of the year are coming. Thanksgiving will be here in less than two weeks and with it comes the Christmas season.
I love this season. I love the music and the cinnamon candles. I love the stockings hung on the mantle lit up by the warm glow of a fire. I love twinkle lights and fragrant wreaths and presents under the tree. I love cookies. I love remembering every day how the whole Bible points to the one central message of a Redeemer coming to Earth for a needy people.
There is so much to love about this season. There is also so much that begs for our attention, our time, and our resources.
I’m as susceptible as anyone when it comes to overfilling my plate and our family’s schedule. I’m also prone to the common tendencies of doubting my decisions and struggling with the comparison trap.
But this year I have a plan to avoid both of those ditches.
My husband and I have come up with a family purpose statement for the holidays. We want to approach the upcoming weeks with intentional purpose and not random chance. There is so much potential for beauty and meaning in the weeks from Thanksgiving to the New Year. But we will miss it if we are preoccupied stressing out over gifts or calendars filled with too many “good” things.
We purpose to make this season about knowing Jesus more fully, loving others more intentionally, and creating memories together in our simply decorated home.
Our purpose statement is the filter through which we will decide what things we will do and what things we will pass up. We can’t make all the cookies or see all the lights or do all the crafts. A few invitations will likely be politely declined. If something doesn’t help to get us to our purpose, then we don’t do it. And all of those good things that compete for our attention? Well, we will pick a few that fit and not worry about the rest.
This means less stress and no guilt.
I will be free from the guilt of wondering if my kids are missing out by not doing something that another family is because I know that we are doing is serving our simple goal. And we can’t go wrong by simply seeking to love Jesus and each other.
Tips for writing your own holiday purpose statement and keeping a less stress approach to the season:
- Start with the big picture. What is the single most important thing you want your family to remember about the season? Make sure that the majority of what you do reflects this goal.
- Talk about favorite childhood memories with your spouse. Is there something in particular that stands out? Pick one tradition each that you might consider carrying on with your own kids.
- Have you already started a special tradition with your family? New Christmas pajamas on Christmas Eve? Filling Operation Christmas Child boxes or Voice of the Martyrs Action Packs? Gingerbread houses made with care and decorated with friends? Whatever it is, make plans to do it together this year too.
- Remember that your family is unique. Your plan should reflect your family’s priorities and interests, not your neighbor’s.
- Make a holiday planner that is accessible to the whole family. We usually draw out a calendar for the week of Thanksgiving on and put all of the family’s activities on it. This way we can intentionally choose how many activities we want to take us out of our home and make sure we are spending time with those important to us.
What is one tradition that you do every year as a family?
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Written by Contributing Writer, Karli @ Feed Me Mama
Last week, I broke down.
I just couldn’t do it anymore- the endless days of consoling, changing diapers, trying to stay on top of laundry and cooking and cleaning. Trying to remember the last time I read my Bible. Praying when I remembered to, but only asking for sanity. Balancing being a wife and mother and entrepreneur but really just struggling to keep my head above water. My own negativity, self-pity and jealousy was so thick I couldn’t breathe. Things I would normally be thankful for seemed like burdens.
There was no joy in my spirit.
I felt no freedom.
I was exhausted.
There was no end in sight, either.
The time came. I was sinking. I was giving in.
Do you feel like this today, mama? Like you carry the weight of the world, and nobody even notices?
I feel it. And so does every other mama I know.
Why do we feel so alone, so isolated? Why, when we know that our kids probably aren’t harder than others, that their days are just as demanding as ours? We all have the same hours in the day, right?
I think, if I really trace my feelings back to their root, I feel like I need to be supermom, because everyone else looks like supermom. I know in my heart that this isn’t true, of course, but social media bombards me with everyone else’s photos of smiling, stimulated children that are perfectly dressed and eat all organic diets, magazine-worthy decorating and cooking and all homemade cleaning products, developmentally-engaging activities, perfect date nights, flowers from husbands, much-needed girls nights. My conscious is ravaged with the thoughts that, yes, everyone is having fun without me, and I am here Cinderella-ing away in my little farm house, heating up leftovers and praying for a nap to last 10 more minutes.
Why?
Why do we hold ourselves to these ridiculous standards?
Why do we think that everyone else has their junk together just a little bit more than we do?
Because that is all we see!
We don’t see the disobedient children. We don’t see the arguments in a marriage. We don’t see the price tags on the designer clothing or the frozen pizza from the night before.
We don’t see the desperate turning on of a movie- or three- or the hiding in the closet to sneak some chocolate. We don’t know when the last shower was. We don’t hear desperate prayers for sleep in the wee hours of morning. We don’t know!
Daily, I find myself comparing my private, worst moments as a homemaker with everyone else’s social media highlight reel- and it’s killing me. It’s telling me that my marriage isn’t good enough, that I’m not a good mother, that our diet sucks, that my clothes are cheap, and that my baby is sad because her clothes are from Goodwill.
It’s ridiculous. It’s lies. In moments of clarity, I know it’s not true.
But what’s the solution?
Take a step back.
Or twelve.
Unplug. A lot!
I’ve started a new initiative in our home called “Unwired Parenting”. It has been born out of a desire to, yes, be more intentional and attentive to my daughter and my marriage, but also to remove myself from everyone else’s highlight reel broadcast and focus on what matters: my joy within my own home. The goal is, when the baby is awake, to only use the phone and computer for necessary communication: phone calls or necessary texts, business communications if necessary. Maybe play some music. But not for distraction!
It’s time that we, as mothers, strive to support one another, encourage one another, and be honest. That doesn’t mean you have to post pictures of your crying kids on Facebook, on tweet about your leftovers, but instead perhaps adopting a spirit of vulnerability within our communities so that other mamas know that they aren’t alone in their struggles. I’ve been thinking a lot about the verse in Revelation that tells us that we “overcome by the word of our testimony.” How true is this for our daily struggles?! We survive our hardest days by leaning on grace, and knowing that grace got us through our last hard day, too.
Reach out. Ask for prayer. Receive advice with a spirit of humility. Have grace with yourself. Be thankful. Be joyful! Cuddle your children. Take some quiet moments with them. Take some moments for yourself, too! You can do it, mama. You are covered in the Lord’s grace. He is enough. You are enough. You’re not alone!
Have you ever felt alone in motherhood? Do you feel alone now? Let’s encourage one another!
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Written by Jenn @ A Simple Haven, Contributing Writer
One of my goals for 2014 is to speak the words of encouragement I think but often neglect to say: what I love about a friend, what I appreciate about my husband and kids, a note of thanks for kindness rendered or a note of sympathy for a friend going through a hard season.
I know words are powerful. The Bible even says they even have the power of life and death.
I’ve experienced that power, for better and worse. And I’ve seen relationships transformed by words of forgiveness instead of bitterness, words of mercy instead of judgement.
I think I just forget the impact words can have for good. And so I put off writing that note, sharing those words.
But, I’ve resolved: not this year.
This year, I want to restore words of encouragement to their rightful place of priority in my life. I know it will take extra effort and some helpful systems–and that I’ll never say or do it all perfectly.
But I figure any steps in the right direction are good.
Simple Steps Toward the Habit of Encouragement:
Do It Before You Forget
I want to write that note before I forget, make that phone call before the day gets crazy–or even while the day is crazy. And if I can’t do it right away, I’ll at least make a note to do it as soon as I can.
I’ve got a running list in my phone called “good deeds.” The title might sound a little hokey, but it’s doing its job.
I add to it whenever I think of a friend I need to check in with, a note I want to send, or a way I might help. At the beginning of each week, I check the list and see what I could add to that week’s to-dos.
Keep it Simple
If something feels hard or I imagine it will take a long time, I tend to put it off. But I’ve realized that words of encouragement don’t have to be fancy or drawn out.
They just need to be honest and…encouraging. (Profound, yes?)
It can be a quick text, a two sentence email, or a brief Facebook post. It can be a short phone call to check on a hurting friend while your kids are eating breakfast. It can be done as you pass your neighbor on the sidewalk.
Broaden Your Scope
Sometimes, the folks who need a kind word the most are the ones you don’t even know well. Your veterinarian, the nurse at your doctor’s office, the mom with her kids at Target, the postal worker, the tech guy who helps you with your blog.
You might be swimming upstream against culture to strike up a conversation, but a hello and genuine interest shown in their life might be exactly what they need.
Include the Kids
Often, the only time I have to do any of this is when the kids are awake, so I’ve been trying to include them as much as possible. Many of our Christmas thank-yous were a joint effort; my almost four year old (mostly) dictated the notes, I wrote them, then she “decorated” the cards.
Yes, it takes longer this way. But I think she’ll learn the habit best by watching and doing it with me. You can also take a look at these free printables for littles.
Don’t Worry About Results
After you’ve shared what you hoped was an encouraging word or two, don’t worry about the results. Maybe the other person will be deeply touched, maybe not.
Our job is just to share love, in words and deeds; the results are out of our hands.
I may never know if my words have any great impact, but then maybe it’s more about me learning the habit of speaking them.
In what ways are you intentional about encouraging others?
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